what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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