I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize