Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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