capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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