Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have aggressive nipples.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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