Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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