party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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