do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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