she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize