Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize