Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
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just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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