Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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