Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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