when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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