At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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