so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize