the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize