Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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