apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize