Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just google imaged poop.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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