I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Success! We fucked roommates!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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