Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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