I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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