Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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