I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize