there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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