just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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