You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize