I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize