hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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