now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize