Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
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You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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