You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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