note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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