On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
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"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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