we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
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My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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