I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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