Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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