I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm passing your future prison.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The adults are the big ones right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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