Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize