I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize