Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
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I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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