i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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