he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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