every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
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I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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