I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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