dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize