sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My life is pants optional.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize