Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
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Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
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COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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