mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm getting married
To pizza
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize