Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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